Like a wing walker, ever the novice, I’ve practiced hard learning to balance on the back of my assigned eagle. As I’ve travelled through life it’s been a battle to maintain consistent equilibrium. Some days I effortlessly stand squarely in the middle of his back. Others I’m on the precarious edge with my toes hanging off flailing against the wind.


I’ve noticed that when I haven’t spent daily time with my Father in His word I am worried, distracted and thrown off balance. My days are frustrating and everything seems difficult. Contentment employs evasive tactics. Happiness is elusive. Hope, a mere shadow upon the ground, just out of reach. And peace quickly dissolves into my tears.


The longer I am away from Him, the more I avoid Him, the harder it is to return to Him.


His word, though. I cannot escape it. Nor does it hide from me. Indeed, it pursues me. In spite of me, it is the tether securing me to my eagle. It is He, Himself, through it, giving me strength and courage to hold on, turning the fierce wind into a buoyant lift upon which we glide ever closer together.


This is my prayer, oh Lord. Please, hold tight, and never let me let go.




Why do you say, O Jacob, and assert, O Israel, “My way is hidden from the LORD, and the justice due me escapes the notice of my God”? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youth grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. Isaiah 40:27-31.

​

This morning after finishing all my morning tasks, getting Ronnie Baby’s lunch made and seeing him off to work, getting myself dressed for the day, I sat down with a cup of tea to spend some time with the Lord and read my Bible.


After settling in and getting that just-right comfortableness, I realized that I forgot to get my reading glasses. Looking around I saw them all the way over there on the dining room table. A whole ten feet away! I decided to try reading without them, but opening to ~ I think it was Jeremiah chapter something ~ realized it wasn’t going to happen.


Closing my bible I thought what am I going to do? I can’t read without my glasses, and I’m really comfortable right now. I can’t have time with the Lord without my Book. Can I?


Here I am. I have a book but can’t read it. What if I could read but didn’t have a book? I could attempt to recall all the scriptures I’ve memorized over the years. That’s a good start. And I remember that He wrote His Torah upon my heart.


So, I don’t necessarily need a book to spend time with Him. It’s good, always. But I don’t NEED it. I’m not blind. I look out at His creation and see Him. I have prayers and praise in my heart to offer Him. In the blessings of my home I am provided for and protected by Him. Through the love of my family and friends I feel Him and am nourished by Him. I truly lack for nothing. He is always with me. He’ll never forsake me. Yesterday, today and forever.


PS. I decided to get up and get my glasses, cuz who knows what this post would have said had I not.




“For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD: I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people.” Jeremiah 31:33

Last April we started on a minor kitchen renovation. Two years ago we replaced worn out flooring, and replaced or repaired some furniture pieces and rearranged the living room a bit. That was great, and needed to be done.


But!


It was Kitchen Time! It had been Kitchen Time for years! New countertops, sink, faucet, backsplash. Even though we’re still working on the details, all the scattered things are mostly back in order - temporary tables put away, sink and faucet installed with coffee pot handy again, and smooth countertops neatly covering their rough wood base.


Although it takes time, I love this kind of stuff. It’s the vision of, and the bringing forth of, a transformation. I imagine that the Lord views me with the same enthusiasm. Though perhaps, with greater patience. Which eludes me much of the time.


I recall one particular day, even though I called upon every ounce of my little bitty mustard seed of patience and faith, I was over it. Then I noticed, from my couch perspective, that just over the top of the mess piled up on the dining room table, out the dining room window, I saw my beautiful rhododendron in full glorious, deep pink bloom, illuminating the end of the tunnel.


I’m very much looking forward to realizing the vision I see in my mind. Experiencing the different details and textures, noticing how all my choices work together. Hopefully, they’ll all be friends and play well together - like the Lord dreams of us, His children, playing nicely together.


When that day arrives and I can say my kitchen home is complete, I imagine it will be just a shadow of the day when I’m all done in this messy, incomplete, wilderness displacement, that I can unpack not just my things, but more importantly, my heart, for good and forever, in my real forever home, Israel.


The Lord declared, “Therefore behold, the days are coming, says the Lord, that it shall no more be said, ‘The Lord lives who brought up the children of Israel from the land of Egypt, but, The Lord lives who brought up the children of Israel from the land of the north and from all the lands where He had driven them.’ For I will bring them back into their land which I gave to their fathers” (Jeremiah 16:14-15, NKJV).[i]

​“But the Lord is faithful, Who will establish you and guard you from the evil one.”  2 Thessalonians 3:3


All this week during the Feast of Unleavened Bread I’ve been struck with how good our God is. I’ve felt His presence so tangibly.


I’m so thankful because there have been a few ugly challenges. A false accusation here, an assumption and misunderstanding there. Yet, somehow, He filled me with enough grace to answer them with kindness. Certainly not with perfection, but considering the 100 angry zingers I could have shot back with, I think it turned out pretty well. 


He’s been merciful - He always is - but it’s more than merely extending grace and mercy to me. He became my Grace and Mercy.


He made a way, in the mysterious way He works in our lives, that allowed me to experience a different path. Embody a bit of His grace and mercy, so that perhaps I would have a better chance, an easier choice, of taking that path again the next time a difficult challenge comes along.


Because now that the heat has cooled, I’m so very grateful I took His path. There’s so much less to clean up afterward!
​

​

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35


“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1


It was around this season of Passover that Yeshua instructed His disciples to love one another.


As it was then, so it continues to be, that our enemy prowls around with intent to divide, conquer and kill. Yeshua knew this then. Yet He allowed Himself to be killed anyway, knowing His enemy would rejoice. But only for a while.


Years ago, I learned that if you are offended, look inside your heart to see what’s offend-able. This wise tidbit stuck with me all these years because it poked me in the nose a little bit. When I eventually worked through it and got over my offense I was able to see the truth and wisdom in it.


When we are offended by, or in disagreement with our brother, our enemy rejoices. Always looking for a way to divide, he lurks around waiting for moments just like these. Let’s remember this, step back for a moment to pray. Allow our quick angry responses to be crucified, that we might lay down our life in a way similar to Yeshua.


It’s not always easy. But can we come to each other in the opposite spirit? Can we offer a soft and loving answer, instead? One that will encourage us to draw together rather than divide? Can we rise above this death to begin to resemble the form and function of a body that reflects our Savior?


Can we try? He’d be so very pleased.


May this Passover season find you ever closer to the One Who Saves from Death. May this truly be the beginning of a new season of abundant life like you’ve never known!

Lately, life has been very busy. Running our business, our home, participating in our local fellowship, remembering my family and friends, writing. It’s fairly overwhelming, especially when I can’t fix it all, or satisfy everyone, or remember everything. If I’m not doing, then I’m thinking about doing.


But then I remember Him in this season. His excruciatingly beautiful choice to give Himself up for me. All of my angst goes away and I remember what’s most important.


He reminds me it’s okay. He’s got this. He’s got it all. And it will all be fine. It will all work itself out. After the many days that strung together which led up to His offering… promptly it was done. He worked it all out in a precisely timed moment, when His heart ceased to beat and His Spirit found its way to His Father. It all worked out fine. For Him. For me. For us all.


His ultimate offering completed a circle which included me as a connecting part, touching lives, as He touched a life which touched me. 


I’ve heard time is a circle moving forward. If we could pull back and observe it from a distance it would look like one long unbroken spiral. We’d see the big picture, feel its tangibleness. Realize that all things connect. They begin at the same moment another ends. So many events all happening all at the same time. Things concluding overlapping things beginning.


It all works out somehow in some way. And I return with all my hearts effects loosely held in open hands, once again to Him. Who was. Who is. Who will always be.

​With blessings to you today!

Look! It's the same weeds I pulled four years ago! And last year! How many times must I pull the same weeds?

It occurred to me that perhaps the Lord is saying the same thing about my heart's garden. I strive to keep my weeds under control but inevitably I let my guard down, grow weary or make a poor decision and up they pop once again.

Either the root remained or passing birds redeposited them or they were borne upon the wind. In some way they found fertile ground in my heart.​

When He moves us from out of our darkness into His light inevitably the weeds will be seen. ​

​A gentle hand is required to remove the weeds without destroying the flowers. Though, sometimes the weeding will leave open wounds, bare patches, holes in my heart that leave me aching and vulnerable for a time

I mostly keep my head down during the process, heavy and burdened. Should I dare look up I find my neighbor nearby bringing calm peace and trust to brighten my spirits, if I will be open and allow her in. ​

​I look behind me to see how far I've come but only see a plain path. It's only after much patience, when He's done - for a time - that I can see how He added His masterful touch to transform the difficult, the ugly, the bothersome, the sad, sometimes heartbroken weedy parts of my heart into something beautiful, useful, and meaningful to me and perhaps also to someone else.

"One day at a time, sweet Jesus
That's all I'm askin' from You.
Just give me the strength to do everyday
What I have to do..."

That's what was in my head this morning when I woke up.  Marilyn Sellars sings the perfect scratchy vinyl version on youtube.  (I'd publish a link to it for you if I could figure out how.  Still working on the techno part of this blog).  But, it's interesting that a song will sound in my head at just the time that I need a little encouragement.  My friend calls it a "companion song".  That's a perfect description.  I could use a companion right now.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with life.  Like today.  I'm working on two very big projects at the same time, the garden revamp project and the re-do the guest bedroom project, both of which need my full attention.  At the same time, I look around and see all the other garden projects waiting for me.  Then I look around the house and see the purge the linen closet project, the reorganize the pantry project and then there's the Garage with a Capital G project where all the extraneous things from the previous projects pile up.  Projects, projects everywhere!!  Arghhh!  Maybe I shouldn't look around so much.

I have to remind myself that they don't all have to be done immediately and I can set aside the jumble and overwhelm and just focus on one thing at a time.  Like getting the guest room done before our family arrives this weekend, and then our friends after that.  Everything else can line up for second place.  Except the plants my friend gave me.  They have to be planted several days before yesterday.

Oh dear, what's a girl to do?  Well, first off, she shouldn't panic.  What's the worst that could happen?  The plants will languish in wait, the weeds will keep growing, the pantry and linen closet will remain unchanged and the guest room will be just a mattress on the floor.  The only thing possibly harmed in this scenario would be the plants.  Which may now be dead.

Okay... so what's the best that could happen? Everything could magically get done and done perfectly without me exerting any energy whatsoever either physically or mentally.  Or I could move forward and calmly apply my gifts and talents to accomplish the tasks before me and learn to enjoy the process of "living in the midst life", and understand that it's ok to feel the pressure and pull of life's inevitable events, big and small, for there are blessings to be reaped from that.

Since I don't believe in magic and I need to exercise my "moving forward skills", and I am motivated by love and the deadline is just two days away, I think my choice is pretty clear.  The most important thing for me to focus on today is the guest room because that most closely involves relationship and love.  No, my family and friends don't need a fancy guest room to sleep in while they're here but I love them and I'm so happy they want to visit, and it's a blessing for them, and for me, to be able to provide them a comfortable and pleasant place to rest.

So, there.  Thanks for helping me sort this out.  I know what I must do.  I'm gonna get those plants in the ground!!  <kidding>  They'll be fine.  And though there are love and blessings to be had in accomplishing the myriad other tasks I could do around the house, today I'm gonna go for the guest room kind.

I've finally come to realize that it's okay if others don't agree with my opinions or the way I conduct my life.  To some my life may seem random, without focus or purpose.  It seems that way to me sometimes for I have not accomplished any great thing, by the world's standards.  But I have been married to the same man for 38 straight years-in-a-row-one-right-after-the-other, and we like each other better now than when we married.  That's so amazing, especially when I think of those difficult times when we could have chosen to separate.  Each time we chose to work it out.  Those were the best decisions I ever made. 

I believe all things work together for the good of those whose hearts are seeking after God.  All of the things and events that have happened to us, all the choices we've made in our lives, the things that make up our individual histories, are all integrated into the people we are today.  The good, the bad and the ugly, to quote a famous saying.

Problems may occur if we deny those events, decisions, choices.  In fact, I'm going to be bold and say that problems will occur if we deny our past.  Like our Creator YHWH, we are made body, soul and spirit to reflect Him, Father, Son, Spirit; yet in a mystery yet to be fully understood, integrated into one.  If we have unresolved issues hidden in our hearts it affects our entire being and eventually those deep things will work their way up like rocks in the ground work their way to the surface to bend the blades on our lawnmowers.

We have to accept the choices we've made and make amends if we need to and are able.  That means we need to ask for forgiveness from God and others, or extend forgiveness, even if it's <gasp!> God we need to forgive.  We also need to forgive ourselves.  Forgiveness is the great releaser.  It frees us to let go of the event, removes the hook from our heart that continually catches us so we are free to be healed and move forward into life.

This does not mean, however, that we can flaunt the bad or even good choices we've made in life, for that demonstrates pride in ourselves and shows we find our identity in our hardships or accomplishments; or our accomplishment in overcoming our hardships; or in ourselves, a tenuous being who is changing every day.  But neither should we deny them if we are to be whole and available to engage with others and embrace life in our present.

Measure by measure, freedom comes from the balance of embracing our past tempered with living honestly before God, ourselves and others.  If someone asks, tell them the truth, using wisdom as to how much you tell them.  Some are unable to handle the whole truth all at once.  

This is a process that is never complete, will never be complete.  For the rest of our lives there will always be another rock that will surface.  This, too, is something we must accept.  This is one facet of how a life must be lived.  Acceptance of our past coupled with the pursuit and allowance of healing will birth a life well-lived with as few regrets as possible.

Has it really been almost a year since I've visited my own site?  Yes, it seems it has.  I must confess, I've been a bit frightened of this new venture, allowing strangers into the secret recesses and dark passages  that comprise the personal world of my mind.
 
It's time, though, to get this show on the road.  I have a plan, to strike out and follow the path set out for me.  I know, in my first post, I talked about this very same thing ~  if I'm a writer, then write.  Okay, so it's takes me a while to get with the program.

Yesterday I had some very profound thoughts but today they're gone.  I wish I'd written them down yesterday.

I sit and daydream ~ the thing I do best ~ and thousands of wonderful ideas float by, like the beautiful blue sky that peeks through the clouds that float across the valley. 

I also want this site to be helpful to those who stop by.  Things like yummy recipes, other excellent websites, thoughtful discoveries about life itself, the ups and downs of gardening and homemaking. And even the exciting adventures I have with my Abba.

So, I suppose this little post is a re-introduction of myself to this baby site of mine. A re-familiarization and a reminder of what I believe I'm supposed to do.

Is that a word, re-familiarization? If not, I'm going to make in one.

Welcome back.